Amana na Uondoaji

Deposits and Withdrawals

Now that you know what a relationship bank account is, let's talk deposits and withdrawals.

1. Keep Promises
   
   The phrase I promise should not be thrown down whenever you hope to do something for someone. This is a locked agreement, something you can't get out of. If you promise something, you're morally obligated to do it. Want to ruin your relationship with someone quickly? Break a promise. That would be a massive withdrawal. You lose trust so easily. Unfortunately, trust is much harder to gain than it is to lose. You REALLY need to be careful when making promises. On the plus side, though, if you're exceptional at keeping promises, make them often. Relationships are strengthened greatly when a kept promise is deposited. If you happen to make a withdrawal by skipping out on a promise, it is in the best interest of your relationship that you discover some way to make up for the withdrawal. Earning trust is hard to do but it can be done by making more deposits. Unsure of how to do that? Start small. Follow up with small commitments. Offer to be helpful rather than just do favors. Slowly but surely, these deposits will ensure you with plenty of trust.


2. Be loyal
   
   Loyalty. This aspect of the RBA is absolutely essential. It is SO easy to make withdrawals when it comes to loyalty. How many times do you catch yourself saying something rude about a friend? Withdrawal. Do you hold your tongue while people make mean comments about a friend? Withdrawal. These are two VERY easy withdrawals to make and they create scars on your relationship. Why are these so easy? Let's admit it, finding faults in people is quite simple and, naturally, we wish to share our discoveries with people and learn about their opinions. Additionally, standing by is the easiest thing to do. Why? Because you don't have to do anything. This is difficult because you can make this withdrawal without doing a single thing. While most of these withdrawals are behind the scenes, your friend will most likely learn about your disloyalty and you'll end up with one less friend. How can you counter these withdrawals? Think: Would I say this about Emily if she were standing right here? If the answer is no, you should most definitely NOT say it. You'll also need to develop the integrity needed in order to stand up for your friends. If someone is gossiping about Carissa, make polite but firm comments that explain your thoughts about Carissa and gently guide them into a different discussion. There's no need to make a scene or ensue guilt in the people that were slandering her. Loyalty is BIG in relationships, so make sure that you're depositing the right things into your RBA.


3. Listen
   
   Listening is a KEY ingredient to any relationship and is therefore one of the best deposits you can make. Sometimes, it's important that we open our ears more than our mouths. But hey, we'll talk more about listening tomorrow.


4. Apologize
   
   You can't be ignorant to the mistakes you make. Not only do you have to acknowledge them, but you need to lose your pride and apologize. Apologies can be difficult but choosing to be oblivious to the choices you've made is worse and WILL ruin any relationship because that is a major withdrawal. Don't assume you have to make a big mistake in order to apologize. There's a secret about apologies though: it's actually a weapon. When you're fighting with your mom or a sibling, if you apologize, they can't keep fighting with you; you've surrendered. You can't fight a person that's surrendered. People also tend to respect people that acknowledged their mistakes and take the necessary actions to fix the them. NEVER underestimate the effect of a simple I'm sorry or I was wrong.


5. Set clear expectations
   

MISCOMMUNICATION. The root of all troubles. I can't even begin to count how many fights I've started because I was under false pretenses. The worst part is once you realize what's REALLY happening, you're stuck with a dunce cap. But sometimes, you assume you're making perfect sense and someone else doesn't understand you. So next time your mom asks you to empty the dishwasher, instead of inferring that waiting an hour is ok, ask. You can't help it if you don't understand people, but it is your responsibility to ask if you happen to be missing something. The best thing YOU can do is make sure that YOU are understood. Clarify with people exactly what you want. Write out a sticky note for your mom since she seems to forger that she let you stay out past curfew. As long as you are on the same page with people in your relationships, then your account is rich, but if you frequently say ambiguous things, people will take that as a withdrawal. Don't play mind games with people either. The world isn't your puppet show to manipulate. Be clear, confident, and say what you mean while you mean what you say.

6. Do small acts of kindness
   
   Charity. That's how you do it. THIS is how to have the BEST of all relationships. Tell people you love them. Leave them notes. Make a bed. Prepare a breakfast. Play a quick game of Uno. Serve your pet some fresh food. Do your chores without having to be asked a million times. People, it is through service that you will build your strongest bonds. As you serve others, you lose yourself in your work. When you shift your selfish mindset to the needs of others, your world changes. Similarly, if you frequently cut people down and make backhanded compliments, your relationships will fail. You have to show people you love them. The best way to share this love? SHOW them, and only speak if necessary. Actions serve to prove and testify to the way you feel better than words can. Now, you don't have to parachute out of the sky and deliver chocolates to your mom on Mother's Day, oh no. You just have to get creative. It could be as simplistic or ornate as you wish. It's truly up to you. Either way, it should be your priority to make someone's day.

These are only a few of the deposits and withdrawals that can be made in the RBA. Remember to check these relationships frequently. It's never too late to start making deposits!